How to be more normal

Normal is that state of being where you in yourself do not attract the attention of others because you fit it. To fit in, you must firstly be incapable of understanding the concept of there, their and they're, it is like Highlander, there can only be one! and in the case of being normal, the one is "there". This is incredibly important, and until you master it, your chances of being regarded as normal are slim to none. "There" is substituted for all occurrences of vaguely similarly sounding words.

Too many words, skip to the end.

Many other words are superfluous to requirements too, who needs "our" when you can use "are" instead, "have" is another unnecessary word, normal people use the word "of" as a replacement, this being 2 letters shorter, speeds up the sending of txts. "You're" is regarded as too difficult to spell and so normal people just use "your" in its place. Also to be normal, you must be fluent in either football or soap opera or better still, both, but this requirement can quickly negate any claim to being normal if you can also converse in boring stuff like politics or reality. (Not to be mistaken for reality TV.). Thinking Jeremy Clarkson is clever or funny or both and being a fan of both Top Gear and Britain's got Talent/Xfactor are other indications you may be normal.

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Maybe looking at some of the things that make people be not normal are worth mentioning. Being bi-lingual is one sure sign of being not normal, if you can speak another language other than God's own, you are either posh or a bloody foreigner. (This excludes knowing "Garson a vey voo brown sauce por favor" and other Greek one-liners you may have picked up whilst on holiday). The Internet is one of those things that cannot be understood by normal people. The only kind of people that understand the Internet are geeks and / or boffins. It is well known that there are tubes, webs and intars involved, because the government have experts that create legislation using this very premise, but it might as well be in Dutch for all the sense it makes. It does however make facebook, ebay and porn available, so that normal people can use them to buy, sell and chat to there friends, and even make new friends, so long as there normal. If you have read this far then the chances are your not normal, normal people would look suspiciously at the spider, look at the first line of writing, skip to the picture of the cat and then spend five minutes trying to get the video of a dog riding a motorbike to play before giving up and clicking somewhere else.

TL;DR - Conclusion.

Thanks to twelve years of compulsory education, most people find being normal quite easy to manage. It doesn't seem to get in there way, either at work or in social situations such as the pub or the bingo. Others have a more difficult time of it and struggle to remain pretty vacant for a full 24 hours in any given day. A few people, who, after many years of trying there best to be normal, finally crack and give up any further attempts, withdraw into there own little world, keep the curtains permanently closed and refuse to answer the door unless a prior appointment has been made. Pretending to be normal can be very time consuming if done correctly, the best way to be normal, is to be born that way, and even that isn't as easy as it sounds.

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